Making sense of now

Learning in the midst of COVID-19 lockdown

Last Friday evening, a message popped up in my office group chat.

Where are you in this?

The message was from Hayat, a leadership expert and one of the wise&cool seniors at work. It came with the following image.

“Where am I in this?”
It was already more than 40 days since the lockdown measure took effect in the Netherlands and I started working from home. Triggered by her question, I looked back on my week. I tried to pinpoint where I was exactly. Soon I realized, my days went on more or less like this:

Hmm… I start my morning with the intention of getting into the growth zone. Then, I take a short visit to the fear zone not knowing when this whole thing will end, and… walk back to the learning zone with the help of friends and colleagues.

I have to admit I was disappointed at myself. I looked inside me and found there was a small but strong wish that I was already comfortably in the learning zone productive (if not, thriving) regardless of the circumstances. But, nope. I was not.

I was fluctuating. One day, I am busy running around in my mind, self-monitoring to make sure I accomplish all the tasks I have on my plate that day. The other day, I am feeling fatigued the whole day, making attempts to do the work but being swayed by discomfort with uncertainty.

The observation took an interesting twist when I recalled a conversation I had a few weeks ago with my friend, Sophie — my godmother/goddaughter in Amsterdam. That day, I was having the other type of day. I was losing focus, feeling frustrated, and tired, even though ‘I did not do anything’. The worst part was my inner criticism that created a wave of feeling that I am incapable of and failed to ‘get things done’. When I shared this ugly inner voice with Sophie, she listened in and responded with care:

The first week of quarantine I wasn’t capable of working or doing anything and then my productivity came back. Somedays, I will just be productive in the morning and the rest of the day is a disaster. Or, some days, I am very productive in the evenings and sometimes the entire day. I think… you have to take it day by day. Not to worry about what you will be able to do tomorrow or by what you did today. Take every day as a fresh start. We are all suffering a little from all this situation and it is normal that we are impacted like that. Some days are gonna be ok, some won’t and some will be great :) As long as we renew our intention day by day.

It makes sense, I thought. It is really easy to forget or take it as a cliche but we are really in this together. At the same time, by solely focusing on my suffering, I tend to forget caring about others in the situation. Why did I take solidarity for granted? With inspiration, her empathy gave me room to think. I started a bit of research into the framework of fear, learning, and growth itself. Who invented it? How does the author interpret the framework?

Unfortunately, I could not identify a single author of the original image. Instead, I found the learning zone model developed by a German sociologist, Tom Senninger, which seemed to provide the basis of the framework above. In his original framework, there are more layers than fear, learning, and growth. There are comfort and panic.

Image: by Danmooji with reference to Tom Senninger’s learning model zone

The journey of learning begins from the zone of comfort. In order to reach the zone of learning and growth, you are stepping out of your comfort zone and inevitably, walking into the zone of fear. With effort, time, and care, you reach the learning and growth zone. But, they need orientation and attention as well. Otherwise, panic, the unwanted consequence of growth without care and control, awaits at the edge of the growth zone.

So what does it tell me? Rather, how do I make sense of the current situation?

1. Yes. With the pandemic, I am (and we are) forced to step out of the comfort zone. Maybe, I was busy moving around different zones in search of comfort, because I AM outside of my comfort zone.
2. Hence, it is natural to feel that there are ups and downs. What’s more important is that my intention remains the same: to regain a sense of peace and groundedness. I may miserably fail on some days but I take a good sleep and try again the next day. I give myself credit for that.
3. As I learned in Anthropology, I am (and we are) cultivating a new norm, routine, and environment in the midst of crisis so that we don’t accidentally fall out to the panic zone. It takes time, attention, and care to create a new ‘zone’ (or habitus) where I learn to feel comfortable again in the new zone.

At this time, the pandemic and COVID19 lockdown pushed me and us out of the comfort zone. A silver lining is that we are all in this phase together. I am, and you are not alone. And it is okay, as Sophie said, to go back and forth between different zones as long as we maintain our intention to search and create a new comfort zone day by day.